Getting Access To Your Children This Christmas

Not unsurprisingly, the most commonly cited reason for divorce was ‘unreasonable behaviour’, which, when it comes to agreeing how access to children should be shared, does not bode well. The challenge for many ex-couples with children together is that even if they can find agreement on child arrangements, disagreements may still arise at Christmas. In most cases, disputes can be easily resolved directly between ex-couples by finding an amicable solution, but this is not always possible. So what can be done in such a situation? 

Consider the wishes of the child

The key to finding an amicable solution is not just considering the needs of each parent but also the child. Just because both parents want to have their children on Christmas day (e.g. one parent has the child in the morning and the other in the afternoon) does not necessarily mean that this is in the best interests of the child. Splitting the time in this way can be confusing for some children, while others may prefer it. Where possible, it is always useful to listen to the wishes of the child before coming to a final arrangement. So as not to confuse the child, consider offering them two fair options and letting them decide without either parent taking the decision personally.

It is also important to plan early in the year to ensure that suitable preparation and arrangements can be made. For example, if one parent wishes to take their child on holiday during the festive period, it is much better to agree on festive arrangements first before booking the trip.

Seeking professional expertise to reach a decision outside of the courts

In some cases, for a variety of reasons, it is simply not possible for two parents to reach an agreement on arrangements for their child at Christmas. Be assured that there are many experts working in the area of family disputes who are specially trained and experienced in resolving such matters. In the field of family law, we call this Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) and is the preferred course of action when familial disagreements arise. There are various methods of ADR used for family law disputes, including:

Mediation

During mediation, both parents discuss the matter and seek to find a resolution in the presence of an independent third party mediator. Both parents can be reassured that the mediation process is entirely impartial and private. Because the matters are discussed ‘without prejudice’, anything that is said is kept within the process and cannot later be used in a court. 

Collaboration

Collaboration involves both parents discussing the matter together and seeking to find a resolution but in the presence of their legal representatives.  While each person will have their family law Solicitor with them to draw up any agreement reached, the discussion is guided by the parents.

Arbitration

Arbitration differs from mediation and collaboration in that a final decision on the matter being disputed is handed to an impartial third-party accredited ‘arbitrator’ (arbitrators are typically highly experienced in family law) who will have all of the facts to hand from both sides. This is rather like a dispute being decided by a judge in a court but entirely outside of the court system. Any agreement reached will, however, be legally binding. 

Seeking a Court order

ADR methods are extremely effective and successful in most disputes where parents cannot find an amicable solution between themselves. So much so that the courts require parents to consider the mediation process by attending a mediation information and assessment meeting (MIAM) before seeking a court order to resolve a matter over parental access. This does not mean, however, that mediation is mandatory; only the MIAM is required. There are some limited circumstances in which a MIAM is not required, however, such as in cases of domestic abuse.

If you have exhausted all options, you may be able to request a Court order. A family law Solicitor can advise on the best approach given the circumstances, including a Child Arrangement Order (CAO), or if one already exists, a variation to the CAO.  CAOs are issued in accordance with section 8 of the Children Act 1989.  In some cases, a Specific Issue Order (SIO) may be more appropriate. One of the main factors to bear in mind when considering seeking a Court order is that unless it is deemed urgent, it can take several weeks for your matter to be allocated and heard in court.

Summing up

Christmas is a precious time for children, and being able to enjoy this period free of familial tensions is important for their happiness and well-being. There is no one solution to child Christmas custody disputes between parents. In the overwhelming majority of cases, a resolution can be found outside of the Court system. This is preferable as this helps to maintain an amicable and cordial relationship between both parents for the ultimate benefit of the children involved. If you need to discuss a dispute regarding Christmas custody, speak to a family law Solicitor who will be able to explain your options in complete confidence and in the best interests of you and your child/ren. Remember, help and support is available; you just need to ask.

For a free consultation regarding child arrangement orders and resolving Christmas child custody disputes, please call us on 0208 300 6666.