Blog Post
Getting therapy - during and after divorce.
Linda John • Jul 07, 2020
Do I need to get therapy?
Going through divorce can be overwhelming and isolating. Day to day living becomes a struggle, especially if you have children. Coping with your children’s emotions as they face their own issues with the separation of their parents and the challenges of school life adds to the stress and anxiety caused by the divorce. Friends and family can be extremely supportive, and offer advice and someone to talk to, but the problem is they are emotionally invested in you, and therefore not always able to support you in an objective way.
Often outside help is needed in the form of a therapist. Emotional Therapy offers a safe place for you to talk about your inner most thoughts and feelings. When you are stuck in old patterns of behaviour with your soon to be ex, therapy can offer new ways to communicate in a non-confrontational way. Discussing all aspects of the break-up with your partner can be gut wrenching and increasingly painful. Talking to your therapist will allow you to break apart what is happening and make some sense of why you are the way you are.
Coming to terms with divorce is a process of letting go. It is usual to experience feelings of grief when a marriage comes to an end. This can impact on both your mental and physical health and the procedure for healing can be a long and painful road ahead. Your deepest emotions can keep you locked in the hurt, and this is when self-medication e.g. alcohol consumption can come in to play. This is not helpful and does not enable you to address what is happening with a clear mind.
There is so much to consider in separation, like how to manage the finances, where are you going to live, what about the custody of the children? Do you need to move back in with your parents? It is not just you that is affected by divorce, it is the wider circle of relatives. Think about the in-laws that you have become close to and other couples that you have known for a long time. There are many losses that you need to resolve and come to terms with.
The concept of therapy is to teach you how to ‘pull yourself back together’ and assist you in being able to define who you really are. The breakup of a relationship forces you to ask questions like “who am I?”, “who are my friends?” and “what am I going to do with myself?”. Seeking professional help can assist you in putting yourself back at the top of the important list. Emotional Therapy will work with you to allow you to learn some self-compassion. Showing tenderness, kindness, and mindfulness to yourself is a critical step in the process of healing. It is important for you to find the confidence to re-connect with people and activities. Redefining who you are is the engine that drives the emotional healing.
Therapy will help you to feel more comfortable with your new single status after the divorce is over. As situations arise, your thoughts and beliefs will be challenged. Counselling sessions are the ideal safe place for you to share your deepest feelings and negative reactions. You will be guided by your therapist using tried and tested techniques that will allow you to move into your new phase.
Post-divorce, the grieving continues, and life still goes on. When you have lost your lifestyle as well as a partner, you need to rebuild a new life and a new future. The after effects of divorce will continue for many years ahead. Therapy will help you to gain in confidence and self-worth and support you with difficult decisions for example, in parenting your children or finding new employment, or even starting to date again.
Being empathetic to customers have always been important at KLR Solicitors. So if you find yourself going through difficult, legal relationship issues, give us a call and we can arrange a free confidential video call, to discuss your course of action.
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